To wrap up 2018 on FB..
I want to thank you Facebook, for your educational posts over the past year.
I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel.
Nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my Ice Tea without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of transfats I have consumed over the year.
I must send my special thanks for the post about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I find it difficult to use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I tag seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
Thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down or invaded by bed bugs.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me and no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I can't do gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't post this to your wall and tag at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
Tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!
Oh, and by the way.........
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read FB with their hand on the mouse.
(Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.)
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told that water splashes 6 feet from the toilet.
You have a good day now!
