Author Topic: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest  (Read 6953 times)

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Offline Marius

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Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« on: March 11, 2013, 06:25:36 AM »
Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest

Love is a battlefield.
When nobody wants you,
you just stare at the world
planning your vengeance,
that you soon will unfold.
It’s all lies and jest,
still, a man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest.
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy,
she'll beat you if she's able.
You know, the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.
Freedom, well, that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Since my baby left me,
I've found a new place to dwell,
down at the end of Lonely Street
at Heartbreak Hotel.
Once upon a time I was falling in love,
now I'm only falling apart.
Nothing I can do,
a total eclipse of the heart.
I don’t know when to hold them,
know when to fold them,
know when to walk away,
and know when to run.
It seems to me,
sorry seems to be the hardest word...

Thus the words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls:
Just slip out the back, Jack,
make a new plan, Stan,
you don't need to be coy, Roy,
just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus,
you don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee,
and get yourself free.
All the lonely people,
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
where do they all belong?
Well, you don't tug on Superman's cape,
you don't spit into the wind.
You don't pull on the mask of old Lone Ranger
and you don't mess around with Jim!

So before you accuse me
take a look at yourself.
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain,
too much love drives a man insane.
You broke my will,
but what a thrill.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

Lyrics by:
Pat Benatar, Black Sabbath, Simon and Garfunkel, Eric Clapton, The Eagles, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Bonnie Tyler, Kenny Rogers, Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel, Johnn Lennon and Paul McCartney, Jim Croce, Eric Clapton, Jerry Lee Lewis and coreography by Marius Buys.

Copyright to above artists 2013
(but this poem may be electronically shared)

 :glasses9:

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2013, 08:06:00 AM »
Dit is uitstekend gedoen Marius.   :notworthy:
Ons het so 'n gedigstruktuur, dit sal mooi daarin pas. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2013, 04:13:06 PM »
vertel bietjie...

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2013, 09:10:55 AM »
Ek dink ek het gedroom, wil nou nie sê gelieg nie!   :icon_biggrin:  Ons het 'n struktuur gedoen waar jy 'n gedig skryf met titels.  As Naas en Raaitjie hier verbykom dan kan ons kyk of ons hierdie patroon wat jy gevolg het in 'n struktuur kan omskep.
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Meraai vannie Baai

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2013, 09:13:36 AM »
Jy is 'n sterretjie PM. Ons het beslis so struktuur gedoen en nou wonder ekke of ons nog ons eie voorbeelde het? Gaan gou wille perd opslaan. Staan tru, die grond is ampertjies alweer droog diekant so daar kan dalk 'n stofdampie wees agter my  :headbang:

Pssst: PM mater, dankie vir onthou van hierdie. Groot soektog optou gesit en dit weer opgespoor. Nou het ek gou hier ingesluip om die plasing te kom skaai vir bewaring waar dit hoort - tussen ons ander kreatiewe skryfstyle in ons nuwe woordskuur.

Dankie vir die tydelike leen van jou erf Marius  :notworthy: :icon_salut:

http://forum.afrikaanseforum.co.za/index.php?topic=2630.0
« Last Edit: March 12, 2013, 11:46:50 PM by Meraai vannie Baai »

Offline Fransi

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2013, 09:52:40 AM »
Lief dit. :-)

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2013, 09:59:22 AM »
Jy verbaas my keer op keer!  Dankie baie dankie.   :notworthy:
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2013, 05:10:52 PM »
verveeldheid...nuuskierigheid se beste sidekick...

 :glasses9:

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2013, 08:36:28 PM »
Marius, ek ken die groepe en hier en daar 'n paar reëltjies van die lirieke.  Sal jy nie asseblief vir my uitwys wie het watter woorde gesing nie.  Ek wil ernstig kyk na 'n gedigstruktuur. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2013, 10:40:03 PM »
Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest - (Changed from 16 men on a dead mans chest by Mc Culleys workshop)

Love is a battlefield. - Pat Benatar

When nobody wants you,
you just stare at the world
planning your vengeance,
that you soon will unfold. - Black Sabbath
 
It’s all lies and jest,
still, a man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest. - Simon and Garfunkel
 
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy,
she'll beat you if she's able.
You know, the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet. - The Eagles
 
Freedom, well, that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone. - The Eagles
 
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. - Janis Joplin

Since my baby left me,
I've found a new place to dwell,
down at the end of Lonely Street
at Heartbreak Hotel. - Elvis Presley
 
Once upon a time I was falling in love,
now I'm only falling apart.
Nothing I can do,
a total eclipse of the heart. - Bonnie Tyler
 
I don’t know when to hold them,
know when to fold them,
know when to walk away,
and know when to run. - Kenny Rogers
 
It seems to me,
sorry seems to be the hardest word... - Elton John

Thus the words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls:
Just slip out the back, Jack,
make a new plan, Stan,
you don't need to be coy, Roy,
just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus,
you don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee,
and get yourself free. - Simon and Garfunkel

All the lonely people,
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
where do they all belong? - Johnn Lennon and Paul McCartney

Well, you don't tug on Superman's cape,
you don't spit into the wind.
You don't pull on the mask of old Lone Ranger
and you don't mess around with Jim! - Jim Croce

So before you accuse me
take a look at yourself. - Eric Clapton
 
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain,
too much love drives a man insane.
You broke my will,
but what a thrill.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! - Jerry Lee Lewis

Lyrics by:
Pat Benatar, Black Sabbath, Simon and Garfunkel, Eric Clapton, The Eagles, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Bonnie Tyler, Kenny Rogers, Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel, Johnn Lennon and Paul McCartney, Jim Croce, Eric Clapton, Jerry Lee Lewis and coreography by Marius Buys.

Copyright to above artists 2013
(but this poem may be electronically shared)

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2013, 08:36:53 AM »
Baie baie dankie Marius.  Dit is uitstekend gedoen. 

Raaitjie, ek dink dit is uitstekend vir 'n gedigstruktuur.  In stede van om net titels te gebruik, kan die skrywer van die liedjie se woorde herhaal om sodoende 'n gedig te vorm.  Wat dit nog interessanter kan maak is dat die skrywer na elke kunstenaar se woorde, sy eie in te voeg.  Wat dink julle?
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #11 on: March 14, 2013, 11:09:37 AM »
Waar ek woorde in die lirieke verander het was dit slegs om die tydstruktuur "tense" van die versreel/sin reg te kry, soms sal 'n reel bv. na "he" verwys wanneer die gedig eintlik "you" verlang of 'n woord wat help met die oorskakel van een sin na 'n ander soos met die gebruik van die woord "thus" in versreel 29. In my gedig "Oproep" gebruik ek egter hoofsaaklik die ritme van die U2 liedjie "Someday, bloody someday".

Ek probeer egter nie die oorsprong van die ritme wegsteek nie en probeer inteendeel die leser daaroe lei deur die eerste stofe van die gedig as amper direkte vertaling van die openings likrieke van die liedjie te gebruik. Ek WIL he die leser moet die wysie van die liedjie gebruik om my gedig vir homself in sy kop te singlees. Die gedig verkry dan ast ware daardie ekstra slaankrag. Die keuse van die lied en die ritme vul dus my gedig aan in terme van die klankaspek van n bekende opstandlied wat in dieselfde gees as die U2 lied geskryf is.

Oproep

Hierdie gedig is nie 'n rebelgedig nie,
hierdie gedig is eendag, blerrie eendag!

Het jy die nuus gelees vandag?
Ek knyp my oë toe, dis Afrikaner nag!
Ek vra jou hoe lank nog,
die lied van die Gedrog?
Maak~vrek~daardie~wit~boer,
dubula ibhunu.

Op die TV tart jy my,
maak jy nes jy wil, jou stemme sal jy kry.
Kom vertel my hoe voel jy,
as jy mense so laat ly?
Verkrag~ daardie~ wit~ hoer,
dubula ibhunu.

Gebroke lê die lyk,
nog 'n wit kind het in die stof gebyt.
One~ Settler~ One~ Bullet,
dubula ibhunu.

Dis nie meer water van 'n eend se rug,
ook nie meer water, onderdeur die brug.
Staan op staan nou Boerevolk!
Trek uit die daardie swart dolk!
Nóú end jou uhuru,
jou blacks only ubuntu.

Het jy die nuus gehoor vandag?
Fluister gerugte van 'n Vierkleurmag?
Die opstand vir vryheid,
weg uit ons swart hel uit.
Jy't ons gedryf soontoe,
dubula imuntu.

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2013, 11:54:16 AM »
 :notworthy:  Ek buig die knie en lig my hoed.   :icon_salut:  Skryf jy die reëls vir die gedigstruktuur, gee dit 'n naam en dit gaan boek toe onder gedigstrukture. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2013, 01:15:13 PM »
Boek?
Reels?

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2013, 01:39:49 PM »
Ag nee kom nou, jy weet mos van boek twee en hoe om die struktuur van jou gedig saam te stel.  Mapstieks drumstieks.  Spel dit net uit sodat die ouens kan weet wat om te doen om by die eindproduk te kom. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #15 on: March 14, 2013, 01:58:16 PM »
Hehe P ek's maar gewoonlik die adminkluts kwyt. Reels geen probleem maar wat maak julle met die boek en wat was in boek 1?

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #16 on: March 14, 2013, 02:11:44 PM »
Skuus man, ek het gedink jy weet, want ek het anner dag vir jou 'n voorlegging van boek 2 gestuur. 
Kan jy boek 2 se besonderhede sien op die forum?
Waar woon julle?
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #17 on: March 14, 2013, 08:46:24 PM »
Springs.

Meraai vannie Baai

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #18 on: March 15, 2013, 12:51:37 AM »
Baie opgewonde PM. Natuurlik kan dit werk as struktuur. Ek het gister by die woordskuur een gedig geplaas waar Sussa amper soortgelyke bydrae gelewer het met volksliedjies dink ek.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #19 on: March 15, 2013, 05:41:09 AM »
Dan is dit my voorreg om die digstruktuur wat ek vir die eerste keer in 2008 gebruik het, te benoem as:

DIE "LIEDJIE-DIG" SKRYFSTRUKTUUR:(lettelik dig-met-liedjies)
Die gebruik van elemente in 'n bestaande lied se LIRIEKE, RITME of VORM om in digvorm 'n nuwe kreatiewe geheel te skep - Marius Buys

a) Stapel liedjie-dig gebruik aanhalings uit VELE liedjies in een nuwe samevattende tema.
b) Klank liedjie-dig gebruik die ritme en vorm van EEN bestaande liedjie met geheel- of gedeeltelike nuwe woorde.

 :glasses9:

In Augustus 2008 toe ons skool in die middel van verslagskryfweek deur Eishkom in donkerte gedompel was kon ek nie help om vinnig na die personeelvergadering 'n vergelyk te trek met Simon en Garfunkel se Sounds of silence en ons nuwe landslied Nkosi sikelela i'Afrika nie. Toevallig het Paul Simon ook 'n opname van ons landslied gedoen. Ek was nogal verbaas toe my gediggie wat ek op my poemlust blog geplaas het hier en daar begin opduik het. Ouens het dit selfs later in tergplakkate gebruik. lol.


 

The shade of pale
(With thanks to Procul Harem)

I skipped two generations,
cow-towed my head bowed to the floor,
vertigo had me seasick,
but still the masses called for more~
My room was getting smaller,
all my mind was blown away,
I was pushed out onto the brink,
clawed back and lived it day by day~.

And so it was that later,
when the journals told my tale,
that my life, always so spritely,
seemed a darker shade of pale.

They said, "I’m sure you see the reason
and that’s just how it has to be ."
But in their broken mirror, there were no shards,
and never any space for me ,
one of several dead statistics,
or ones leaving for another coast,
and although their eyes were open fear-wide,
they might have just as well been closed.

And so it was that later,
as my killers told their tale,
that their faces, Oh so ghostly,
showed the dark side of the gale.

They said, "We’re here to stay now,"
“but I cant just go back into the sea ~ ”
and as I pointed out this detail,
they never really did agree~,
Saying: "We know you evil spirit
and now it's your turn to flee"
Then they smiled at me so cold-sweetly,
I forgot all that I believed~.

And so it was that later,
as the old teacher told my tale,
that my life sounded like a rumour,
lived in shadows with a darker shade of pale.

If freedom is the white dove,
then fear must be its mate,
and likewise if the mirror has just one front,
it might already be too late.
My mind was spinning cartwheels,
such confusion in my head.
should I crash this tear-away train
or go quietly to bed?

And so it was that later,
as my children told their tales,
that their faces once so spritely,
showed my darker shades of pale.



Ons land hier onder
(met dank aan Men at Work)

Ons toer in `n gaar ou volksie,
om ‘n skeireiland, koppe vol Malawi.
‘n Surfer-girl - sy maak my so lis.
Sy nooi my in en gee my brekvis
en sy vra:
“Kom jy dan van my land hier onder?
Waar vroue glim en manne wonder?
Hoor jy? Hoor jy nie die branders donder?
Jy beter hol, die beach raak vol, ja-aaa.”
Koop ‘n Coke van ‘n man met kewl maniere,
hy's ses voet vier en die ene spiere.
Ek vra, “Hei praat jy my taal ja?”
Toe smile hy net en gee my - ‘n Atchar,en hy sê:
“Ja ek kom ook van jou land hier onder
waar biere vloei en vroue wonder
Voel jy? Voel jy dan nie besonder?
Kom ons gaan jol, die klub is vol, ja-aaa.”
Daar lê 'n ou in ‘n den in die Baai
sy kake slap, sy hare verwaai.
Ek sê virrie man, “Hei traai jy my verlei hu?
Want ek kom vannie land van baie.”
En hy vra:
“Dan bly jy seker Suid in ons land hier onder?
Waar vroue glim en branders donder?
Sien jy nie? Sien jy dan nie die wonder?
Toe kom my bru, jy's al amper da, ja-aaa.”



Nkosi Sikelela Dark Afrika
(With thanks to Simon and Garfunkel)

Hello darkness my old friend,
You’ve come to share your load with me again,
came into my office without calling,
dropped your dark gift without warning,
and natural sunlight is all that I see now,
and still somehow,
I hear more sounds of silence.
Get your work done come what may,
I heard my boss so wisely say.
Now in the dim room I work alone,
with squinted eyes and heart of stone.
Oh generator please can you ease my pain,
come start up your motor for I’m really taking strain.
Among these sounds of silence.
From now on I heard them jest,
will not see the country at its best,
from copymachine to carbon sheet,
from traffic light to darkened street,
we bear these sounds of silence.
And the words of the coalthief is written on the subway wall,"one vote for all"
- these are the sounds of silence...
« Last Edit: March 15, 2013, 06:50:54 AM by Marius »

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #20 on: March 15, 2013, 06:51:12 AM »
Dankie Marius.  Dankie Raaitjie.  Ek sal gaan loer. 

Marius, hoe gemaak dat jy 'n boek onder oog kry?  Wil jy kom kyk as jy weer Pretoria toe kom?
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Meraai vannie Baai

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #21 on: March 15, 2013, 06:56:16 AM »
 :toothy4: :notworthy: :icon_salut: Welgedaan Marius!

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #22 on: March 15, 2013, 08:09:02 AM »
stuur my n pic of twee op my epos

Meraai vannie Baai

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #23 on: March 15, 2013, 08:10:20 AM »
Marius het jy toegang of gebruik FB? Ek het by my foto albums 'n paar fotos uit die boek geneem en geplaas.

Offline Marius

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Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #25 on: March 16, 2013, 06:47:23 AM »
Downtown

On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Yes...
But she would settle for suburbia,
and a little patch of land,
so give her up for music,
and the Free Electric band.

If youre a stranger here
and you need some action,
if youre tired of your old lady,
If you’ve been together too long.
If it used to be a fun house,
now filled with evil clowns,
If youre winding your way down Baker street,
if youre light in your head and dead on your feet.
You've got tonight dude,
who needs tomorrow?

Can’t you feel the darkness call?
Let the streets have their way.
They’ll carry you on till morning,
and steal your soul away.
She’ll get you high,
show you what a guy...
So dont be a mountain,
dont be a tall tree,
dont be a swift wind
sweeping the country.

Play that funky music white boy
Get down and boogie
and play that funky music till you die.

With thanks to and in order of appearance:
Meatloaf, Albert hammond, Marshall Hain, Rupert Holmes, Pink, Gerry Rafferty, Bob Seger, Marshall Haine, Lady Gagga, R Kelly, Wild Cherry coreography by Marius Buys 2013

Meraai vannie Baai

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #26 on: March 16, 2013, 07:19:48 AM »
Lig die hoed en knak die knieg!  :notworthy: :icon_salut:

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #27 on: March 16, 2013, 08:02:30 AM »
Goeiste Marius, jy is baie oulik.  Baie dankie.  Is jy nog nie met mensioen nie?  Ons wag vir 'n paar ander gedigstrukture van jou. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #28 on: March 16, 2013, 08:18:18 AM »
mensioen? Is dit nou ou wat te jonk is vir pensioen maar te lui is om te werk? :)
 :glasses9:

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #29 on: March 16, 2013, 08:22:53 AM »
 :icon_biggrin:  Skuus, 'n "fingervoutjie".   :icon_biggrin:  Raaitjie gaan hierdie een kop kom
skaai.   :icon_biggrin:


Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Meraai vannie Baai

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #30 on: March 18, 2013, 07:40:32 AM »
 :`ip2: ek lief 'fingervoutjies'  :toothy4: :hello2: