Author Topic: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest  (Read 6909 times)

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Offline Marius

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Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« on: March 11, 2013, 06:25:36 AM »
Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest

Love is a battlefield.
When nobody wants you,
you just stare at the world
planning your vengeance,
that you soon will unfold.
It’s all lies and jest,
still, a man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest.
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy,
she'll beat you if she's able.
You know, the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.
Freedom, well, that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Since my baby left me,
I've found a new place to dwell,
down at the end of Lonely Street
at Heartbreak Hotel.
Once upon a time I was falling in love,
now I'm only falling apart.
Nothing I can do,
a total eclipse of the heart.
I don’t know when to hold them,
know when to fold them,
know when to walk away,
and know when to run.
It seems to me,
sorry seems to be the hardest word...

Thus the words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls:
Just slip out the back, Jack,
make a new plan, Stan,
you don't need to be coy, Roy,
just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus,
you don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee,
and get yourself free.
All the lonely people,
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
where do they all belong?
Well, you don't tug on Superman's cape,
you don't spit into the wind.
You don't pull on the mask of old Lone Ranger
and you don't mess around with Jim!

So before you accuse me
take a look at yourself.
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain,
too much love drives a man insane.
You broke my will,
but what a thrill.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

Lyrics by:
Pat Benatar, Black Sabbath, Simon and Garfunkel, Eric Clapton, The Eagles, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Bonnie Tyler, Kenny Rogers, Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel, Johnn Lennon and Paul McCartney, Jim Croce, Eric Clapton, Jerry Lee Lewis and coreography by Marius Buys.

Copyright to above artists 2013
(but this poem may be electronically shared)

 :glasses9:

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2013, 08:06:00 AM »
Dit is uitstekend gedoen Marius.   :notworthy:
Ons het so 'n gedigstruktuur, dit sal mooi daarin pas. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2013, 04:13:06 PM »
vertel bietjie...

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2013, 09:10:55 AM »
Ek dink ek het gedroom, wil nou nie sê gelieg nie!   :icon_biggrin:  Ons het 'n struktuur gedoen waar jy 'n gedig skryf met titels.  As Naas en Raaitjie hier verbykom dan kan ons kyk of ons hierdie patroon wat jy gevolg het in 'n struktuur kan omskep.
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Meraai vannie Baai

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2013, 09:13:36 AM »
Jy is 'n sterretjie PM. Ons het beslis so struktuur gedoen en nou wonder ekke of ons nog ons eie voorbeelde het? Gaan gou wille perd opslaan. Staan tru, die grond is ampertjies alweer droog diekant so daar kan dalk 'n stofdampie wees agter my  :headbang:

Pssst: PM mater, dankie vir onthou van hierdie. Groot soektog optou gesit en dit weer opgespoor. Nou het ek gou hier ingesluip om die plasing te kom skaai vir bewaring waar dit hoort - tussen ons ander kreatiewe skryfstyle in ons nuwe woordskuur.

Dankie vir die tydelike leen van jou erf Marius  :notworthy: :icon_salut:

http://forum.afrikaanseforum.co.za/index.php?topic=2630.0
« Last Edit: March 12, 2013, 11:46:50 PM by Meraai vannie Baai »

Offline Fransi

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2013, 09:52:40 AM »
Lief dit. :-)

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2013, 09:59:22 AM »
Jy verbaas my keer op keer!  Dankie baie dankie.   :notworthy:
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2013, 05:10:52 PM »
verveeldheid...nuuskierigheid se beste sidekick...

 :glasses9:

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2013, 08:36:28 PM »
Marius, ek ken die groepe en hier en daar 'n paar reëltjies van die lirieke.  Sal jy nie asseblief vir my uitwys wie het watter woorde gesing nie.  Ek wil ernstig kyk na 'n gedigstruktuur. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2013, 10:40:03 PM »
Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest - (Changed from 16 men on a dead mans chest by Mc Culleys workshop)

Love is a battlefield. - Pat Benatar

When nobody wants you,
you just stare at the world
planning your vengeance,
that you soon will unfold. - Black Sabbath
 
It’s all lies and jest,
still, a man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest. - Simon and Garfunkel
 
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy,
she'll beat you if she's able.
You know, the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet. - The Eagles
 
Freedom, well, that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone. - The Eagles
 
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. - Janis Joplin

Since my baby left me,
I've found a new place to dwell,
down at the end of Lonely Street
at Heartbreak Hotel. - Elvis Presley
 
Once upon a time I was falling in love,
now I'm only falling apart.
Nothing I can do,
a total eclipse of the heart. - Bonnie Tyler
 
I don’t know when to hold them,
know when to fold them,
know when to walk away,
and know when to run. - Kenny Rogers
 
It seems to me,
sorry seems to be the hardest word... - Elton John

Thus the words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls:
Just slip out the back, Jack,
make a new plan, Stan,
you don't need to be coy, Roy,
just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus,
you don't need to discuss much,
just drop off the key, Lee,
and get yourself free. - Simon and Garfunkel

All the lonely people,
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
where do they all belong? - Johnn Lennon and Paul McCartney

Well, you don't tug on Superman's cape,
you don't spit into the wind.
You don't pull on the mask of old Lone Ranger
and you don't mess around with Jim! - Jim Croce

So before you accuse me
take a look at yourself. - Eric Clapton
 
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain,
too much love drives a man insane.
You broke my will,
but what a thrill.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! - Jerry Lee Lewis

Lyrics by:
Pat Benatar, Black Sabbath, Simon and Garfunkel, Eric Clapton, The Eagles, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Bonnie Tyler, Kenny Rogers, Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel, Johnn Lennon and Paul McCartney, Jim Croce, Eric Clapton, Jerry Lee Lewis and coreography by Marius Buys.

Copyright to above artists 2013
(but this poem may be electronically shared)

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2013, 08:36:53 AM »
Baie baie dankie Marius.  Dit is uitstekend gedoen. 

Raaitjie, ek dink dit is uitstekend vir 'n gedigstruktuur.  In stede van om net titels te gebruik, kan die skrywer van die liedjie se woorde herhaal om sodoende 'n gedig te vorm.  Wat dit nog interessanter kan maak is dat die skrywer na elke kunstenaar se woorde, sy eie in te voeg.  Wat dink julle?
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #11 on: March 14, 2013, 11:09:37 AM »
Waar ek woorde in die lirieke verander het was dit slegs om die tydstruktuur "tense" van die versreel/sin reg te kry, soms sal 'n reel bv. na "he" verwys wanneer die gedig eintlik "you" verlang of 'n woord wat help met die oorskakel van een sin na 'n ander soos met die gebruik van die woord "thus" in versreel 29. In my gedig "Oproep" gebruik ek egter hoofsaaklik die ritme van die U2 liedjie "Someday, bloody someday".

Ek probeer egter nie die oorsprong van die ritme wegsteek nie en probeer inteendeel die leser daaroe lei deur die eerste stofe van die gedig as amper direkte vertaling van die openings likrieke van die liedjie te gebruik. Ek WIL he die leser moet die wysie van die liedjie gebruik om my gedig vir homself in sy kop te singlees. Die gedig verkry dan ast ware daardie ekstra slaankrag. Die keuse van die lied en die ritme vul dus my gedig aan in terme van die klankaspek van n bekende opstandlied wat in dieselfde gees as die U2 lied geskryf is.

Oproep

Hierdie gedig is nie 'n rebelgedig nie,
hierdie gedig is eendag, blerrie eendag!

Het jy die nuus gelees vandag?
Ek knyp my oë toe, dis Afrikaner nag!
Ek vra jou hoe lank nog,
die lied van die Gedrog?
Maak~vrek~daardie~wit~boer,
dubula ibhunu.

Op die TV tart jy my,
maak jy nes jy wil, jou stemme sal jy kry.
Kom vertel my hoe voel jy,
as jy mense so laat ly?
Verkrag~ daardie~ wit~ hoer,
dubula ibhunu.

Gebroke lê die lyk,
nog 'n wit kind het in die stof gebyt.
One~ Settler~ One~ Bullet,
dubula ibhunu.

Dis nie meer water van 'n eend se rug,
ook nie meer water, onderdeur die brug.
Staan op staan nou Boerevolk!
Trek uit die daardie swart dolk!
Nóú end jou uhuru,
jou blacks only ubuntu.

Het jy die nuus gehoor vandag?
Fluister gerugte van 'n Vierkleurmag?
Die opstand vir vryheid,
weg uit ons swart hel uit.
Jy't ons gedryf soontoe,
dubula imuntu.

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2013, 11:54:16 AM »
 :notworthy:  Ek buig die knie en lig my hoed.   :icon_salut:  Skryf jy die reëls vir die gedigstruktuur, gee dit 'n naam en dit gaan boek toe onder gedigstrukture. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.

Offline Marius

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2013, 01:15:13 PM »
Boek?
Reels?

Offline PM

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Re: Sixteen singers on a dead love’s chest
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2013, 01:39:49 PM »
Ag nee kom nou, jy weet mos van boek twee en hoe om die struktuur van jou gedig saam te stel.  Mapstieks drumstieks.  Spel dit net uit sodat die ouens kan weet wat om te doen om by die eindproduk te kom. 
Om te weet is om te verstaan.