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Die kuierstoep => Die Gorrel plek => Topic started by: Meraai vannie Baai on January 18, 2017, 01:06:11 AM

Title: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: Meraai vannie Baai on January 18, 2017, 01:06:11 AM

Why I Like Retirement!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep  in his Lay-Z-Boy.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. 
 
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. 

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
 
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes. 

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. 
 
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS! 

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Ans wer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
 
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. 
 
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. 

And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
 
SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
 
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
 
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on,  the class was over.
 
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same
noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my
shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
 
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
 
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing

 :toothy4:

Title: Re: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: adele on January 18, 2017, 02:14:51 PM

Dit maak sin, ek kom agter ek is al op pad soontoe ....   :love7: 

Title: Re: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: PM on January 19, 2017, 08:26:51 PM

Ons (ek en Hannes) is lankal daar, maar ons geniet dit. 

Title: Re: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: Anastasia on May 31, 2018, 09:37:04 PM

Ek hou  van daardie 'no peer pressure' ding.  Dis vir my ook die beste.  Traak my min wat ander dink deesdae.

Title: Re: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: PM on June 20, 2018, 06:00:57 AM

Dit is nog 'n ding wat lekker is van oud word.  Jy is oor min dinge gepla!  :toothy4:

Title: Re: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: Anastasia on August 02, 2018, 12:56:37 PM

My man reken saam met aftrede en ouderdom kom heelwat nadele : soos Altzheimers en Parkinsons.   Die lollery is n man vergeet hy het parkinsons en skink daarom n dankie!  Gelukkig onthou hy soms om dan n droee hempie te gaan aantrek!  : :occasion14: :occasion14:

Title: Re: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: Naas on August 02, 2018, 01:00:33 PM

Ek sou Parkinsons verkies bo Altsheimers. Ek stort eerder helfte van me drank uit voor ek vergeet waar ek dit laas gesit het.
Wanneer jy beide het is jou drank veilig want as gevolg van Altzheimers vergeet jy om te bewe...



 :icon_bigsmurf:

Title: Re: Aftrede humor (van die Engelse poskoets afgeval)
Post by: Anastasia on August 02, 2018, 08:26:23 PM

Bwah!  Jy het my al vandag goed laat lag, Naas.  Jy darem!